You can always ask
And sometimes they'll say no
👋 Hey, it’s Andrés. Welcome to my weekly newsletter on growing your influence at work. I write for managers, senior individual contributors, and business owners. I do have a soft spot for Latinos working in Corporate America.
Today: Why you should go for it
Read time: 11 minutes
Three things I want to share with you today:
Dare to take some big swings
Big swings are the way forward
Learn how to process those no’s
Dare to take some big swings
It would be dumb to say that there are only two type of people, but hear me out.
There are people who usually accept status quo, and let things run their course
There are people who, sometimes, take big swings at the status quo
Here’s a cool anecdote about someone who fits in the second type of people.
On Monday, October 3, 2005, Bob Iger became the CEO of the Walt Disney Company. At the moment, Disney was in a dire situation. For the past ten years, Disney Animation had lost $400 million in a series of movies that failed, some mildly, some catastrophically.
During that same decade, PIXAR had produced hit after hit: Toy Story 1 & 2, Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc, The Incredibles…
At his first board meeting as CEO, Iger laid out three different paths:
They could wait and see if management could fix things
They could fire everyone and hire new people
They could buy PIXAR
Board members went crazy when they heard this third path, because Steve Jobs owned almost 50% of PIXAR, and he already was known as a tough guy.
After some deliberation, the board gave Iger the permission to discuss the idea with Steve Jobs: approach it with curiosity and see what Jobs thinks about this. Even Iger’s wife was dubious: Steve will never sell to you, she told him
Here’s Iger in The Ride of a Lifetime, his autobiography, describing how did the first call with Jobs go:
I spent the morning building up the courage to call Steve, and finally did so in the early afternoon. I didn’t reach him, which was a relief, but as I was driving home from the office at around six-thirty, he returned my call.
After discussing another topic, Iger made the move:
“Hey, I have another crazy idea. Can I come see you in a day or two to discuss it?”
I didn’t yet fully appreciate just how much Steve liked radical ideas. “Tell me now” he said.
BRUH.
After going through some intrusive-crushing-self-doubt-thoughts, Iger regained his composure and went for it:
“I’ve been thinking about our respective futures,” I said. “What do you think about the idea of Disney buying Pixar?” I waited for him to hang up or to erupt in laughter. The quiet before his response seemed endless.
Instead, he said, “You know, that’s not the craziest idea in the world.”
“Okay,” I said. “Great. When can we talk more?”
A couple of months later, and after a tough negotiation, PIXAR accepted to be bought by Disney for $7.4 billion in an all-stock deal. Let’s read Bob Iger’s final reflection on this episode:
People sometimes shy away from taking big swings because they assess the odds and build a case against trying something before they even take the first step (....). Long shots aren't usually as long as they seem.
Think about your career, about your company or maybe about your team.
Are there any big swings in the horizons that you could take? A new client? A new project? A new way of doing things?
What about your personal life?
Even if these things seem like long shots, they could be not as long as you think.
Big swings are a way forward
And sometimes, you’ll miss, like Kyle Schwarber yesterday, with a swing and a miss that left the Phillies out of the playoffs.
As a teen growing up in a Catholic all-boys school in Monterrey, Mexico, me and my friends were slow to the girls thing. We were comfortable spending our weekends watching Nicholas Cage movies, playing Mario Kart 64 and grilling burgers at my house.
We knew that starting from sixth grade, and more frequently starting from seventh grade, the more advanced teens started going out with girls, and we eventually started to react to that environment. Then, FOMO.
Ok, let’s do it.
The typical opportunity to get into the scene was a quinceaños, a very specific type of Quinceañera party that were normal in Monterrey, in the late nineties.
Parents rented a night club and hosted a party –maybe even dinner, if I remember correctly–, and kids got to dress up using outfits straight out from Backstreet Boys and N-Sync’s videos. Or not, just a Nike polo and jeans, now that I think about it.
Then, you asked out a girl if she wanted to dance with you, and everyone lined up to dance-ish to whatever MTV was putting out there.
But you didn’t succeed always, obviously. Sometimes, girls said no, and you had to swallow the shame. (I do have to say that the first girl I asked for a dance accepted. Her name is Mónica, FYI. I also remember MANY who said thanks no thanks, many just no, and some others just ignored me. So it goes)
Those were the first times that I remember putting myself out there, being exposed to rejection. It sucked listening to no’s, but I guess it helped you understand that you would be ok after all.
In the other hand, it was also a revelation:
Sometimes they’ll say yes, and the only way to get to yes, is asking. That was a feeling worth fighting for.
So, if you want to
get promoted,
close that deal, or
get on that overbooked flight
dare to take that big swing.
It is a way forward.
And this will you make you part of the second type of persons I referenced at the beginning of this post.
Learn how to process those no’s
My last idea has to do with learning how deal with those times when people say no. Here are two tips.
Tip #1: Be exposed to many no’s
I think that the clue is, paradoxically, to be exposed to a lot of rejection. If you are not usually exposed to this, a no can mess with your self-esteem.
For those of us who are in sales, business development and spend long hours meeting new people and building relationships, a no is just a step more on the path to cool deals, new friends, and wonderful experiences, even satisfaction.
I’m not saying it’s easy or fun. I’m just saying that exposure to no’s, thanks no thanks and not now could help you build resilience.
But my favorite tip is Tip #2.
Tip 2: Disassociate
Sometimes, we tend to think that our words, our decisions, our actions, our social media posts and even our services are part of who we are.
You can surprise yourself having System 1 thoughts like the following:
If people don’t react to them, if people don’t say yes to my request or if people don’t buy my online workshop, it means that they don’t love me. That means I am going to die.
In a sense, yes, we are much more than our body. Our mind is capable of moving back and forth in time and space, and it tends to extend beyond its physical space.
But we are much more than a failed presentation, a bad joke or a crappy copy in outbound email to someone who receives one hundred emails every day.
So, try to disassociate the rejection from your self-identity: they are not rejecting you, they’re rejecting your slides, your timing, your choice of words or that weird vibe you have today.
In a nutshell, try not to take it personally, because it’s rarely about you.
Bonus: Start today
Making a big swing could be just a WhatsApp message.
Here’s a screenshot of a recent big swing —in Spanish!— to a friend that works at Google, that landed Astrolab the INSPIRA workshop I facilitated this week in NYC.
I offered a 1-hour masterclass, but they went for the full 1-day workshop… that led me to meet a group of wonderful people, that are now thinking about how to scale INSPIRA into other teams.
I’ll end with this: Idk if the “you have nothing to lose” phrase is correct. You do lose SOMETHING, when others reject your idea or proposal, but that would be the wrong place to put your attention. Instead,
Focus on the possibility
Focus on the what-ifs
Focus on Monica
Thanks for being here! I’ll see you next Thursday.
Andrés
Here are more ways to connect: