You should always get more reps
And remember to "stay hungry, stay foolish"
👋 Hey, it’s Andrés. Welcome to Astrolab’s weekly newsletter on how to become a better communicator at work. We write for knowledge workers and business owners.
Today: The only way to get better
Read time: 10 minutes
Today, a general view on how to get better on winning others over:
Understand that you should and you can get better
Commit to doing reps
Pay attention to what works
If this post seems like a daring and bold one, I can assure you it will be.
I sometimes feel that I get lost among the trees while writing INFLUX 🪐. What I mean is that I usually choose a subject and do a deep dive (status, storytelling, anxiety, asking) without talking much about where that fits in the decade-long journey into becoming a memorable communicator (because it usually does take at least a decade of deliberate practice… more on that later).
While this is generally good, I risk losing you by not giving context, or by not sharing my whole theory around storytelling and influence, and how to get better at both.
This post is like a zoom out—a zoom WAY OUT— to my approach on training people like you who want to increase their impact.
In other words, here’s what I’ve learned after helping at least 10,000 people—either in small, medium, or big audiences—increase their trust, communicate with clarity and inspire action in their relationships.
Should and can get better
If you’ve recently been in a talk or in one of our storytelling workshops, you’ll probably remember how we started the session:
Ideas and talent are not enough. You need to win others over:
We always start this way. We believe that that’s the best way of engaging people at the beginning of a learning experience.
Here’s why.
Our brains are always asking WHY. And, during the first minutes of a session, workshop or learning experience, people are probably asking the following questions:
Why this course?
Why me?
Why them?
Why now?
Why storytelling?
That’s just how our brain works. We NEED to understand the relevance of anything and everything before committing cognitive and affective resources. It is an evolutionary glitch within us all, and it will only stop —temporarily— when we have a satisfactory answer to WHY is this relevant for me, for my tribe, and why now.
And what evidence do we show to prove that ideas are not enough?
We usually share a story about someone with great talent and a great idea that got stuck… UNTIL either luck struck or they got better. They can be stories about business, science, medicine, or even about f*** Deadpool.
Now, the good news is that you CAN get better on these skills. I feel confident saying that more than 95% of people who want to get better at this, get better (I’m leaving 5% out just to cover all my bases, but can’t think of someone who didn’t improve after enough reps with the correct focus).
And how do you get better?
By doing a ton of reps, while paying attention to what’s actually working.
Reps, reps, reps
Reps get you better in most human activities, tasks or skills. I honestly can’t think of an exception.
Doing reps around your communication-storytelling-influence skills means putting yourself out there, preferably in situations of medium or even high-risk. Specifically:
Proposing yourself as the lead presenter in a team
Joining a Toastmasters club
Registering for a public speaking course
Practicing your important presentations out loud
Saying yes to that passive-aggressive email from your kids’ school to participate as a guest speaker in Career Day (yes, I’ve done this, twice!)
Taking the time to actually perform during a meeting or conversation, and not just share information in a transactional way
Trying to make sure you are present and engaged during many/most conversations or meetings
Now, the important question is, how do you stay motivated so that you’re always looking for reps?
This Monday, The Verge published an interview with Luis von Anh, Duolingo’s cofounder and a recent obsession of mine.
There, Luis speaks about the topic of motivation as a predictor of Duolingo use:
From the beginning, this is a central thesis that we believe here at Duolingo: the hardest thing about learning something by yourself is staying motivated.
In fact, that is probably the reason for the vast majority of our success is that we realized that early on.
From the beginning, we have tried to have a thing that is enjoyable to use and that keeps you coming back.
So, here’s a tip: think about your communication related-tasks as something akin to working out. If you stop working out for a week, you’ll start to notice… changes. And the same can be said the other way around.
Here’s Duolingo’s cofounder again:
Internally, our feeling is that learning a language is a lot like working out.
It doesn’t matter all that much whether you’re doing the elliptical or a Peloton or a treadmill. By far, what matters the most is that you’re doing it every day, whatever the hell you’re doing.
It’s kind of the same with Duolingo. Maybe some methods are more efficient than others, but what matters is that you’re doing it every day.
So, here are some tough questions:
Are you actually trying to get better at connecting with others?
Are you using PERA every day?
Are you preparing for your meetings and conversations, or are you just winging it like Michael Scott?
Are you using contrasts every time you have a tough audience?
Are you looking for stories EVERY. F*******. DAY, or are you doing it every three months, when you come across a book at the airport that reminds you to do so?
Pay attention to what works
Finally, make sure you pay attention to what works. The best professionals, athletes and social media influencers are constantly reviewing their performances —and the available data— to see if they’re getting better.
Eventually, you’ll start to develop an intuition, and you’ll start to notice micro expressions from your audiences that can help you go in a different direction, doubling down on something you’re doing… or just stop talking whatsoever.
I do think I’ve been improving with time, but it hasn’t been an easy path. I’ve definitely done my reps, and continually force myself into roles, gigs and situations that require me to do that (most of them just for… fun?).
Bonus. A transformation in two minutes
Here are two Steve Jobs videos, one on his first TV appearance (1978), the other just months before his death (May, 2011).
In this 1978, you can listen a really anxious Jobs actually say the following: “You need to tell me where the restroom is because I’m definitely ill, actually I’m ready to throw up in any moment”:
Now, watch just the first thirty seconds of this speech. Look at how he:
greets the audience with a question and a smile,
makes a vulnerable statement,
introduces his topic,
talks about how relevant the topic is for him and for Apple,
starts with an insight that gives context and draws the audience in for a narrative
How did he manage to become so good? One of the main reasons, I think, is because Jobs actively decided to stay hungry (stay curious, continue learning), and to stay foolish (take risks, engage life with a playful mind). That led him to a really big amount of reps throughout his 40 year career.
Here’s Jobs ending that amazing 2005 speech:
I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Yeah, what he said.
Thanks for being here! I’ll see you next Thursday.
Andrés
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